Fear

Fear can be one of the greatest motivators.  People can run faster, lift more weight and do other great feats when they are in fear of being hurt or having a loved one hurt.  But fear can also hold people back; the fear of the unknown and the fear of failure are huge obstacles for some people.

As the Javelina Jundred race gets closer I have been dealing with fear....the fear of failure.  I do not like failure and frankly I am not used to failure.  Please don’t take that wrong but most things I do I can do with a certain amount of confidence because I work hard to accomplish goals.  Unfortunately I have to face another reason that I am not used to failure....I do not push myself to do things that I am not sure I can do very often.    This is the conclusion I have come to this week: I am afraid to fail.  That fear is holding me back. 

I have been wishy washy about the Javelina Jundred race since registering.  It is a 100 mile race with a drop down of 100 kilometers.  I bounce back and forth from shooting for 100 miles and from doing the 100 kilometers.  I have confidence that in the 30 hours given I can get in 100 kilometers with time to spare.  It would not be easy but with the hours given it is something (excluding injury or sickness) that would not be beyond what I can do.  I am not confident that I can do 100 miles in 30 hours.  I have never done that distance nor have I ever been on my feet running, fast hiking, crawling (lol) for that many hours.  That distance scares me.  For the last couple of weeks it has been the last thing on my mind as I fall to sleep and the first thought in my head as I wake up. 

I need to face it.  I need to overcome the fear of failing and push to accomplish the 100 miles.  I could fail......but I could succeed.  I am strong and I have trained hard.  I need to trust that training and put it all on the line.  That is what I am going to do.  This year I did my first 50 miler.  It scared me, so much so that 9 miles into the race I got all emotional.  Tears and running equal hyperventilation.  Not a good thing while running.  But with my husband by my side I pushed on and kept going.  Since then I finished 2 other 50 milers and they are not all that scary any more.  Now it is time to dig deeper, push harder and go for the 100 miles.

I have running buddy Carol and my son Zac to pace me late in the race.  Knowing that gives me more confidence.  But please send me prayers, good thoughts and any other motivation!  I can use it all.

If you want to follow my adventure next weekend there should be live feed updates at:
http://www.javelinajundred.com